Go Meat!
by EmaniaHilel
Summary: [Two Shot] [CoAuthored with Kysra] [Crack!Fic] Cyborg never paid that much attention to the television even if it was a program like Monster Cars playing.
1. Go Meat!

**A/N:** Crack!Fic _ahoy!!!_

**A/N, Part Deux:** We love Cyborg, _yes we do_!! That is all.

**Disclaimer:** We own nothing.

_**Go Meat  
**__**By Em and Kysra**_

"_When I say Hillshire you say Farms!"  
_"_Hillshire!"  
_- Hillshire Farms Commercial

He looked like a zealot.

Or, in more modern parlance, he looked like the male equivalent of a fangirl (was _fanboy_ a word?) all shining eyes and serene, utterly contented smile, as if he might burst into a fit of ecstatic squeals at any moment. It was like watching a Beatles fan staring up at John Lenon, Starfire standing at the doors of the Jump City Mall moments before they opened for their annual firesale, or the looks on the faces pressed against the glass of their Tower every Valentine's Day.

In other words: total unreserved devotion.

It was a look not unlike the one Beast Boy got at the previews for every _single_ new addition to the Wicked Scary franchise (no matter how many there may be or how predictable the storylines).

Even Robin might get that look while watching the _I Want That Gadget_ show occasionally, but she had never seen that look on Cyborg's face (except when he added a new part to the Tower or tweaked something on the T-Car.). Cyborg never paid that much attention to the television even if it was a program like _Monster Cars _playing. He certainly had never looked at it as if he'd been shown the bliss of heaven, finally understood the meaning of life, and it was _good_.

Raven glanced at the television, but saw nothing more thrilling or awe-inspiring than a home remodeling show droning on about wasted spaces. When she looked back at Cyborg and realized he was starting to tear up, she decided that enough was enough and approached along the right side of the couch.

"Cyborg, what is it?" she asked, her confusion and slight worry making her tone manifest itself more annoyed than anything else.

Cyborg turned to her, the congenial expression still plainly evident in his eye. "It's _so_ beautiful, Rae." And then he sniffed.

Raven looked to the television, wondering if she'd missed something, but the same show was still on so she turned back to him, her brow furrowed. "The den?" she asked, confused.

"What?" he asked, momentarily thrown into confusion, his happy-high warring with his logic as he started to realize that _something_ must have gotten lost in translation. He glanced sideways at the television, and realizing what she was talking about, chuckled. "No, not the show," he waved that away. "It was the _commercial_," he said, standing up and clasping her hands in his, the remote digging into her palms. "To be _understood..._" he trailed off meaningfully, his eyes glazing over happily and Raven was reminded of Starfire at the _'World-o-Hair-Clips'_ firesale.

She blinked, trying to make sense of his words. "The commercial?" she asked, carefully, "is beautiful because it is understandable?" Really, she wouldn't normally spend this much time trying to figure the meaning of someone being this irrational, but this was Cyborg and Cyborg was, more often than not, logical and comprehensible.

"No, no, no," Cyborg said, smiling benevolently. "The commercial showed how _I_ am understood."

"The commercial understood you?" Raven queried, flicking her eyes over to the television again, then back to his face. He nodded happily and now she was really starting to get worried. "Did the _commercial_ speak to you?" she asked carefully.

He beamed and nodded. "Right here," he touched his chest, bringing both their hands (and the remote) to the space where his heart beats.

Raven quirked a brow. "Did it know your name?"

"What?" Cyborg frowned, then laughed heartily. "No, I don't mean like that!" He brought her around to sit on the couch next to him. "Watch," he said enthusiastically, grinning like a child in a candy store. "I recorded it."

When the commercial opened on the average looking joe at his barbeque grill in his backyard, Raven waited. At the first "_Gooo meeeeat!"_ (sounding to Raven, somewhat like an exotic bird call), Raven was as confused and slightly alarmed as the joe at his barbeque. When the second voice answered the call of the first, Raven's eyebrow rose…and _then_ the chant began. When the man who looked like something out of an old Miami Vice show repeated the chant with much obvious heart but absolutely no inflection or rhythm, Raven felt the humor of the commercial. When the instigator of the chant went all out, calling, _"I said a brat beef kielbasa hot smoked sausage cheddarwurst!" _it was the enthusiasm in Cyborg's voice as he called out the response with what appeared to be the entire neighborhood in the commercial that made the upper left corner of her mouth twitch in barely withheld amusement. And yet, it wasn't until the cast in its entirety (plus one Cyborg of the Titans) called out, _"GO MEAT!"_ so enthusiastically, that Raven finally understood why Cyborg was so enamored of the commercial.

She looked at him when it ended to find the tears shimmering in the corners of his eye again and the grin still on his lips.

"Now you understand, don't you?" he prodded. "There are others out there like _me_!" He was practically shining he was so happy. "I'm not alone!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

To which Raven could hardly bring herself to surrender to her first instinct (slapping her forehead into her palm) nor to erupt in laughter (a very distant second instinct). Her usual fall back plan of casual retreat was also out of the question; Cyborg's expectant features wouldn't allow it.

As Raven realized that there really was only one option open to her, she sighed and raised her right hand in some kind of mix between half a high-five and a spaghetti western Indian salute. "Go meat," she intoned.

Cyborg's grin could have powered a small country for a month.

_xxxxxxxxxxxx_

**References:**

The commercial Cy is watching is one of the more recent commercials for Hillshire Farms. You can find it on youtube or the Hillshire Farms website. I'd link ya, but ff.n would distort the address anyway. (It looks like it's the 6th commercial spot.)

**A/N:** So, Em here. I saw the commercial mentioned above while I was studying for the EoD, II. My television was on low and for some reason, my eye was caught. I upped the volume and proceeded very quickly to degenerate into excess laughter. I can't explain it. But the one thought in my head as I watched was, "Oh my god…Cyborg would like, cry at the beauty of this commercial!" And of course, I had to tell Kysra about it next time I spoke with her. I found the commercial on youtube and linked her.

She said it had to be written. We spoke about what would happen after Cy first sees the commercial, and I said SHE had to write that.

So…click the next arrow. I'm not being cruel. Kysra's continuation is there.

…

What's that?

"What arrow?"

Oh, oops. Sorry. I guess I am being a little cruel.

Kysra's continuation will be there tomorrow. Y'all come back now, y'hear?


	2. Go Meat  The Afterward

**Go Meat!  
****The Afterward  
**By Em and Kysra

Brad Moscowicz  
Hillshire Farms  
8334 Bratwurst Blvd.  
Hillshire, VA 79563

Mr. Stone:

Thank you so much for contacting us at Hillshire Farms. We love meat, and we are proud to share our products and enjoyment with fellow meat-lovers like you. Your letter and video diary have been an inspiration and a delight to our employees nationwide. To see such vibrant passion and affection for the fruits of our labor is the purest of rewards.

In fact, we were so affected by your zeal and enthusiasm that we would like to invite you to star in our upcoming ad campaign. If you are interested, please contact our offices (all contact information is attached and our secretary is anxiously awaiting your call).

We have also provided an incentive package sheet for your perusal. Please note the life-time supply of all Hillshire Farm all-natural, all-beef products; the ten year free lunch pass to any Arby's restaurant in the world; and an all expenses paid tour of our home facility.

Again, thank you so much, and please consider our offer. Your sheer energy and honesty would be a great asset to our company. We look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Brad Moscowicz

CEO, Hillshire Farms

P.S. GO MEAT!

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

**From Kysra**: As Em said before, when she saw that commercial, she just HAD to share the hilarity and since I'm such a Cy fangirl, I was absolutely convinced that her vision necessitated a cracky prose reality XD That being said, I take full responsibility for the idea that Cy would not only become a zealot of Hillshire Farm for their consideration and understanding of Meat Fanaticism, he would also let them know – in ways only a techy like Cy could – just how much he LURVES them and their meaty, meaty food.

It's only logical that the folks over at Hillshire Farms offer someone with that level of devotion a place among the fold.

That being said, MY GOD it was hard to keep it sounding (mostly) serious, like an honest to God office memo. I wanted to go full on crackiness, but I guess YOU, dear reader, can guess what Cy's response will be. In fact, I think he's packing his bags now.

After all, the Blue Mold Infested Frig of DOOM has NOTHING on these guys.

(By the way, Brad Moscowicz and that address – totally fake.)


End file.
